am I doing this right?

Here’s what’s coming up for me in 2018: I’m turning 28. I’ve been with Cade for seven years and we’ll have been married for three of them. 

Here’s what is potentially coming up for me in 2018: Could we be moving? Are we really, honestly starting to talk about when the right time to have kids is (not saying this is physically happening in 2018, but the conversation is at least). Saving all the money I can, even if that means cancelling subscription boxes, not making those unnecessary purchases, and (god forbid) going out less.

Here’s what is not likely to happen in 2018: Having a child, buying a house, or a big luxurious vacation (see: saving money).

Sometimes, I feel like I am getting it all wrong. Should I know where I want to be planted by now? Am I a “settler” for still living near my hometown (this is a HUGE frustration of mine that I, too often, hear people talk about that is a completely different conversation to have. If you move away, great! If you want to stay where you grew up, great! Who are you to determine, or judge where someone wants to live?!... Calming down now.) Anyway, one day, I’m happy that I’m living my own personal good life, going out with friends, kid-free and enjoying (for the most part) being able to do whatever I want to do. But then I have days where I wonder if it’s time I settle down a little more, buy a house… start building a family.

I usually file it under “that tricky age” in my brain box, never to be thought of again. But it always finds a way to make it in my “daily anxious thoughts” list.

I have so many friends who have some beautiful families. I mean, if you’re reading this, and you think you might be a friend that I’m referring to because you have a family and you’re happily living your best life, then yes, I’m talking about you. It’s pure joy to see the people around me becoming moms and dads and taking the role like true champs.

There’s also those friends, who, similar to me, are living their own best life. I have that same, pure happiness for them as well. (You also know who you are, I hope!)

Then there's me... I hope I'm not alone, and if having similar conversations with others points to anything, then I know I'm not. Don't get me wrong, there's not a big gaping hole, or a void that I think could be filled with children, there's not sadness that I'm missing out on something beautiful, and there is certainly not doubts that I took a wrong path somewhere in my life. 

But, what there is, are questions. I'm sure there always will be. However right now, where I'm at in life, it seems to be more difficult questions than I ever remember. 

So, if you're totally, 100% comfortable and happy in your life with whatever it is (family, single, married, etc.) then take a deep breath and be grateful for that. You are truly blessed.

If you are uncertain, and you're not sure what or where you want to be, or should be, then you're not alone. But you're here and you're aware of your own feelings. So likewise, take a deep breath and know that, you too, are blessed.

Lastly, if you're reading this then thank you! Thanks for listening and I hope on some level, you can relate. You are the only YOU that can be. Isn't that incredible?